Saying NO… to say YES

Did you ever wonder if you say NO enough? In order to say YES to yourself more?

We’re not talking about mindless no, no, no, no to everything, and we’re not on about NO!!!! with anger, stubbornness or provocation. It’s the calm no. The considered no. The grounded no, because you know who you are and what’s important to you. And often “the request” doesn’t need to be done, or someone else could do it instead of you.

So I invite you to ponder: how come we so often have YES as our default response? What if we turned it upside down and had a calm NO as default, unless certain criteria (yours! not others’) were met? So that you know when and why you say yes.

In the Joy Hearts workshops we see how it starts with knowing who you are. What’s important to YOU. That’s such a good starting point for making wise decisions. Based on this, you decide how you want to spend your waking hours (we all have the same number of hours in a day; Richard Branson and you both have 24 hrs, I’m just saying?!). SO many things can be done differently, smarter, quicker, not needing to be done as often, have others do them or help – the list goes on.

With this new-found focus and hours to spend, you can start saying YES. To those people and things that matter to you. That give value to you and those around you and move you all forward in a way that’s valuable and sustainable.

How to actually say NO is another exercise on its own, we’ll do it in a couple of weeks at the Women, Wine and Wellness event, how exciting to have 60 women look into each other’s eyes, saying no calmly and standing by it.

I’m happy to help YOU speed up this journey as well. On how to say NO, to say YES to you. Enjoy your Sunday.

Who are you BEING (who… me???)

In coaching there is a model called BE – DO – HAVE. How in life we most often start with what we want to HAVE (I really want that house/job/car), then I would DO (…deliver much more at work/blah-blah!) and finally I could BE (happy/valued/insert-feeling-here).

What if I tell you it’s really the other way around? When you start BEING who you want to be, it makes you DO the things that you truly want to focus on (not from guilt or chasing an external-thing-dream) and that leads to you HAVING what you were really after.

We have talked about this before. Sometimes we need to hear things twice??!! So:

It was never about the house. The car. The new title. It was always about how you imagined you would feel when you HAD it. And that exact feeling you can choose to feel now. Right now. Over something you already have present in your life, big or small.

It’s not when you have gotten or done all those other things that you (magically) become that loving, calm, driven, valued or whatever person you know you can be. It’s the other way around. So BE the person you want to be, no matter the circumstances. Happy Sunday.

The Egyptians did what??!!

Egyptians 3000 years ago believed that the heart possessed all our wisdom. When embalming the dead, an important first step was to remove the brain. How fascinating is that? We visited the Egyptian Mummies exhibition some weeks ago, and this astonishing fact hit me like a hammer: they knew 3000 years ago, and we’re only now starting to take it to heart (pun intended!), and for some even with hesitation.

So what can we learn from the Mummies? Stop using our brains to run our lives. They did not even want the brain to hang around after death. So how come we let most things depend on it? Try this on: live more from your heart, what about even leading from your heart??!!

This is not a free pass to Procrastination and Laissez-faire – this is combined with knowing your purpose and having your steps and high standards clear. But start the journey and live each day from the why and the values rooted in your heart. And then use your brain to put words to the goal and add the benchmarks and actions needed.

The Egyptians also used basic herbs for medicine that we’re only now returning to (well, our grandparents used them, but somehow next generations always seem to think they know better??). So here we are, thinking (indeed the brain taking credit) that we are so clever and advanced. And really we’re reinventing what cultures before us knew and treasured every day.

So join me in this awe of the Egyptians and let’s go on a journey of “back to basics”, WITH all our current technology and advancements, but allowing our good old hearts and their wisdom to lead the way.

Friendship in colour…

The beauty of two umbrellas, one in all colours of the rainbow – the other one white. Two friends on a bench talking. Trusting each other to talk, to listen, to be quiet. Witnessing each other’s lives unfold, the ups and the downs. Being the mirror to each other: learning who we are, keeping each other honest.

Not like X-factor, Idol or Who’s got Talent, where some people end up in the unbearable situation of being asked: who told you that you could sing???? Being a good friend is not keeping the truth away from you because it’s too scary to tell. And it’s not about being a dream-stealer – it’s about being honest, when you and your friend is ready for it.

When we are onto something good and right for us, great friends support each other, give each other the courage (from French ‘heart’, ‘coeur’) to keep going and pursuing our dreams, our little happiness. And when something is difficult, we are there to listen.

So here they were. Two long-time friends. Sharing time and presence. Going for their walk despite the rain (and we’ve had rain for a month now in Sydney… so no good waiting for a blue sky!). They may have been friends for 20, 30, 40 or 60 years. The calmness suggested how they appreciated it.

During some parts of our lives we may struggle to find friends – or hesitate to reach out. Teenagers often have heartache from not being able to find a friend that’s true to their heart and whom they can be themselves around. And sometimes adults struggle too.

No matter whether you have a trusting friend right now or not. Know that you are loved. YOU are loved. You ARE loved. You are LOVED. Grab your umbrella and trust someone else with your thoughts today. No matter the colour of their umbrella.

One day for women..?!

International women’s day. I treasure women, I treasure men. I don’t think we need special days – just like we don’t do “Father’s Day” and “Mother’s Day” in our house. I respect and admire all the strong and brave people who made it possible for us to live with the rights we have today. And I acknowledge many people needing better lives still.

But I heard that in US women had been encouraged to not work and not spend today, to show how society’s wheels would not turn without us. And in Australia some companies have started ratios for how many women you need to hire. I don’t think that’s the way.

Progress is created not by war, provocation or rules, but by visionary humans (men and women). Respecting each other, finding the root cause when things are not right yet and then encouraging each other to take the brave steps needed.

We all have both masculine and feminine energy and drive. Using both is a strong combination – and those heroes we celebrate today and every day would have used a fine combination of both.

So let’s be the best version of ourselves. As many days as possible. Celebrating our diversity and the magic that happens when we combine our strengths. Every day.

Waisting the days away?!

What happened to this weekend? Where did the days go? Beautifully wasted. With practical stuff. And being lazy. And being annoyed with self for being lazy. And then realising it’s OK. To push the pause button now and then.

But on another note – on another kind of waste, this update from the trenches hit my notebook in the weeks after Christmas: what happened to my waist??!!

My family GOT me a hula hoop ring, and it gave LOTS of laughs… especially as we all witnessed how it works splendidly for the (smaller waist size) daughters – but NOT for me. And I’m not talking about me not being able to swing the hips after all that lovely food during December. No, no, no, I’m talking physics. Physics denying me my childhood fun.

Here we go: the physical laws defining that ANY ring wanting to swirl around another object needs that object. To. Be. Much. Smaller. Hmmm….. Smaller as in my waist having to be MUCH smaller than the diameter of the shiny new hula hoop ring. Oh!!!

So here I am. A waisted opportunity (!?!). Or not.

I have three options (or probably many more, my brain has started ticking!): 1) find a shop that sells ADULT size hula hoops (and not those heavy fitness ones, I want fun!), 2) continue practising until my waist gets tiny or 3) continue practising swinging it around my neck (YES – I kid you not!). It works, and I tell you the whole body is getting exercise as well at the same time, including muscle work from my hysterical laughter.

What do YOU feel like doing that used to have you in stitches? Give it a go again – as long as you’re prepared to take yourself lightly… hysterical stitches and all.

Anyway, it’s been hiding for the last many weeks (or is it me who have been hiding?), so I better go celebrate my wasted weekend by making it waisted??! Sunday practise neck style coming up, hoop-hoop!

I want it NOW!

Whether it’s well behaved children, a promotion, a new car, a partner we love or our dream house – we want it NOW!

What if all of those external things (including how other people do and make us feel), are not what it’s really about? That it’s never about that?!

It was never about the promotion. It was always about how you imagined you would feel when you HAD the promotion. And guess what? There is a MUCH easier way: you can choose to feel that way exactly now. Right now. Over something you already have present in your life, big or small. Go figure!

How many hours, sleepless nights, worry and guilt have you saved right there?

Get your gratitude journal going. In your mind or even better write it down each morning. 10 things or own behaviours you are really happy, excited, proud or grateful for being or having in your life right now. And say thank you! Really feel it and say it out loud. For each one of them.

That’s where it starts. Inside you. It’s never about the others or the things we want. Start right now, being who you want to be. It will amaze you how your perspective on life changes. And you end up getting the way of life you REALLY want. Not because of the things you get or how others around you react. Because of who you have become. Hip hip hoooooorrraayyyyyyy for BEING.