Watching myself on a screen. Not since my teen years have I been looking that much at myself. Any of you out there who’ve “had enough of yourself”??
The activities that used to include face-to-face contact – choir, business meetings and networking, soccer matches and team training – were mainly me looking at other people. And not even watching as such, more being present while being aware of others around you. Aware of my physical presence but the focus was on the others!
Can you image a soccer match or a choir rehearsal where you sat looking someone in the eye for the whole time? And simultaneously kept staring at your own reflection? Not really.
Yet, our reality the last months has meant gallery view reality. Looking at boxes of people, observing them present or tuned out, glancing across gallery windows acknowledging all, making all feel included, being aware of everyone including constantly keeping an eye on my own presence and presentation.
One day I realised that I was over it. Done looking at myself, being so aware of my gallery box.
As a teenager, the mirror was the constant confidant, checking out my nose, my legs, everything. And before smartphones and digital cameras, the alternative was taking photographs old school style – and then waiting a week to pick up the prints in the store to find out if I looked best from the right or the left side. Pathetic, I know! And that’s why I’ve been so relieved having decades with less focus on me – more on others.
But our distancing requirements had me right back into it. I luckily noticed and avoided the slippery slope of too much self-observing. Realising I was done. Looking at myself. Changed back to more phone calls instead of video. Changed the Zoom setting from Gallery to stop scanning over all your faces including my own. Looked more out the window. Not the gallery view but the real view.
We all need to get back out into the world again. Even those of you LOVING the current isolation. The shopping centre was quite full this week, which was lovely to see – respectful distances and all that, but people happy to be out and about, seeing other things than their own four walls, physically and mentally.
For those of you leading or running businesses: what are you SO over? When it comes to yourself, the team, the set-up. Take a last look at it, soon we will have moved on. Can you feel the silent excitement about that? I can.