On a bench in a park. Under a tree in your garden. Feet deep in the sand on the beach. Wherever you choose.  To lower your heart rate, to tune into the frequency of the bench, the tree, the ground.

Letting go of the past just for a minute.  Leaving the future ashore for a bit. Pressing pause on the play list of things to do. Letting the now seep in. Listening to the birds. A dog barking. The wind in the trees. Being.

Keep turning up!

When you feel like quitting. When it all gets too hard. When others think you shouldn’t keep going. DON’T quit. Instead keep turning up.

It’s not always the smartest, luckiest or richest who end up being the happy ones, the ones living the life they truly want. It can be. But the most important is: we ALL can be that person. And the biggest difference is whether you keep turning up.

A key question from John Assaraf (known by some of you from The Secret) that helps you is: Are you interested, or are you committed? To achieve your goals and dreams. So what is that “thing” you’re working on at the moment? Is it creating a loving, kind family being the best human being you can possibly be? Is it finishing the studying you’ve been doing for a while? Is it getting that room cleaned up? Is it starting to look after yourself and your health by exercising? Fill in YOUR version.

Now answer: are your interested or committed to achieving this?

If you’re interested, you’ll do what’s convenient. And let the excuses hold you back. If you’re committed, you will do whatever it takes to overcome any setbacks, issues and events around you. Because they WILL pop up. It won’t just be smooth sailing. Others may not agree with how you choose to spend your time and focus.

So, when you have something that’s important to you, keep going. Keep turning up. Keep doing little steps all the time to become the person you want to become, the person you need to be to achieve it.

Success: sometimes it’s NOT getting what you want. It’s how you deal with it. Deal with all emotions that life sends your way with grace. And keep turning up. Feeling that you’ve made the effort, had a go. Taken one step towards that goal.

So what does it look like when you keep turning up? Make it into a song you love. Have a crazy dance around the kitchen while you do the dishes. Put on some funky music. You have to turn up anyway, so way not be crazy and make it worthwhile? Have fun turning up this week!

Jeg holder af hverdagen

Google translate it – Danish origin. About loving everyday life. It’s what we’ve got most of. These weeks stacks of FB pictures are popping up from holiday destinations around Europe: family at dinner in another country, family activities together, time to relax and so on.

The emotions are happy, content, relaxed, loving, joyful. Very real, and very heartfelt. Here’s my message: how can you re-create these emotions around the Monday night dinner table? Making sure to do things together on a Wednesday? Taking time out to relax on a Thursday?

Most people spend more time planning for their next holiday than creating the everyday life they want. What is your ideal, average day? The day that you would live again and again, experiencing the emotions you want: content, joy, relaxation, love…

What most people are not aware of, is that you CAN create your ideal, average day. By making a conscious decision today (yes! today – take 30 min out to write down your ideal day). Because as you check what really would be your ideal (not your family’s or your friends’ – but YOUR ideal), and you write it down, you can start making little 5% adjustments in your everyday life, to have MORE of those moments, experiencing exactly the feeling you want.

Where would you live? What would your house look like? And be honest with yourself: you may prefer a small, cosy, easy-to-keep place – why then aim for a big place with hours of maintenance?? What would you have for breakfast? What’s the view? What’s the conversation? What does the mundane stuff look like (because it will always be there)? Who are your friends?

There are more questions in the Ideal Average Day exercise we do as part of the Good Hearts United program – but you get the gist.

So cherish the holidays and weekends away. Notice the kind of experiences that make you happy and content. And then consciously look for how you can create little moments of exactly THAT feeling in your everyday life.

Enjoy hverdagen. It’s worth it. You’re worth it…..

Are you a giver or a getter??

All people pleasers will feel really good while thinking GIVER. Maybe stop reading now or embrace yourself for what’s coming!!?!

Giving is a beautiful thing, but the key is the WAY we give. Is it with slight bitterness, martyrdom or defeat (no-one else is gonna do it…). What if it wasn’t about giving things or “services” (doing all the mundane stuff for others), what if the best thing we can give is significance?

And here comes the crucial question: are you a giver or a getter of significance?? Significance as in making us feel seen, that we matter, that it makes a difference we’re here.

So do you GIVE others significance: your presence in that moment, true interest in whatever they are interested in, listening without prejudice or your map of right and wrong superimposed on top, asking questions to understand more? Or are you more about GETTING significance?

“See how nothing would get done here without me”, topping others’ stories with one you have that’s even worse/bigger/better… The full-blown significance-getters are the drama kings and queens of this world – but most of us do it really well too in many situations, without even being aware of it.

So start your radar scanning your own ratio of getting and giving significance this coming week. And notice how great it feels when you’re really into someone else and what they’re telling, doing or even better BEING. The silent acceptance of who we’re being can be one of the strongest. That’s why pottering about in the garden with a grandparent can be so lovely – no questions, just being. It can be as simple as a smile to someone you’re passing – acknowledging their presence.

My parents are absolutely amazing. I’ve often said to teams: everyone should spend a week with my parents. I only today have the words to describe it, but they are true givers of significance. When you are with them, they are truly interested in you, they listen with open minds (most of the time, not when you tell you’re moving to the other side of the world, including kidnapping the grandkids… well, we’re all human!). They ask questions to understand where you’re coming from or why it’s important to you, and you sense their good hearts for everyone, no matter the normal external gauges of status or social acceptance. They feel good in their own skin – and therefore have the space for others.

So with three cheers to them, let’s all do our best this week to explore GIVING significance.

You CAN have it all (what..??)

From early on we hear “you can’t have it all” and other energy-zapping one-liners (there is a whole song in Danish about not soaring too high, staying safe with good-old and so on… it was constantly on radio all through my childhood … Free Speech is a great principle, but lyrics like this should be forbidden!!).

What if I say you CAN have it all?? You will need others’ help, it won’t be easy, it won’t turn out exactly like you planned, and it definitely will not happen all at once. But it is possible.

Be ALL you can be. Every day. Think big, be big – or whatever it is being YOU. Connect with all the people you can, you never know what amazing things come from it (and for the introverts: enjoy being quiet, stay home, enjoy reading that book and cherish YOUR qualities). For all of us: use all your talents, pursue all your interests. Be love. Be daring. Be kind.

The bravery comes in handy when the going gets tough and you need to pick yourself up. And for a lot of us the scariest thing is reaching out, putting up your hand when you need help. Keep going, have another try and be kind to yourself.

Follow your heart while you show others respect and show you care. It’s not about getting it all your way, but it’s definitely not going to help anyone if you do nothing at all to pursue what you love to do. The biggest trap of all is when we thing all will be fine if we just stay quiet and under the radar. We think others will like us more. They won’t – they’ll just get used to you doing everything for everyone. Ouch….

So work towards building the family you want. Talking to each other in the way you want. The job you really want. The friends you want. Keep going… And it starts with you being who you need to be.

I believe you can have it all. Having it all includes having disappointment. Anger. Sadness. Despair. Frustration. Doubt. Mistakes. That’s a given. Having it all includes going through ALL emotions, not just the pretty ones. What matters is how long you let yourself stay that way – and what you do next. Don’t wait for others to do it. But ask their help when needed.

Life is here to be lived. Fully. Build it one step at a time. It may take a couple of years before you’re getting it on track. And don’t worry what others say or think – and what it looks like. Focus on whether it’s right for you. Is it worth having a go and enjoying the journey? It certainly is.

Good Hearts United

It sounds like a Football club, doesn’t it? But it’s a different kind of club. The club of Good Hearts United. The members are the ones seeing the best in others, sticking to their high values of how to treat each other – and wanting to share goodness.

Do you notice though, that many Good Hearts don’t get to REALLY do their thing? How they are often people pleasers, and they put themselves last – they may not even get their own needs and dreams onto the list. And weeks and months and years go by.

Well, well, here’s news for you Good Hearts out there. It is OK to put yourself first sometimes (YES, wow, I know, stop-press kind of wow!!). To invest in YOU. To have even more to give to others.

That’s why I’ve started Good Hearts United. A group saying yes to themselves and their personal development – linking in with others on the same journey. It’s like a book club for personal development. And the journey we’re starting this July is a 12 months’ journey.

Because change doesn’t happen overnight, does it? For sustainable, lasting results, we must keep turning up. And because we are the sum of the 5 people we surround ourselves with, it’s so important to join together – adding a cheer leading squad to our journey.

Are you going to join us as one of the Good Hearts? Looking forward to connecting.

Mothers’ groups for retirees?

Mother’s Day last week. Lovely messages and connections. But one day can’t last us – what I believe supports us through the year, through the daily ups and downs are the collectives. The groups of women, family, friends, neighbours, colleagues or random women we’ve gathered around us. Listening, supporting and giving each other a kick or a hug when needed. That’s what keeps us going.

I know Mothers’ groups exist in quite a few countries. Great way to meet likeminded and be able to talk about ALL the stuff on your mind, especially with first time motherhood. Our first group continued, way past bringing the kids along – it became a women’s space to relax and be honest.

So why do we need a group as “excuse” for this? And what to do for those without children? And for the women moving into later stages of life? I believe we must create women’s groups for all ages – for retirees, for back-to-work-after-kids, for why-am-I-the-only-female-in-this-leadership-team!

To have this safe space to speak your mind, test your views and values – and walk out strengthened, with great ideas and courage to do what is right for you.

I love singing, and choirs and ensembles have been my anchor through decades and countries. They are all co-ed, but maybe that’s just me feeling safe to share and trust these mixed bunches. Whatever you feel safe doing, create your safe hubs of likeminded where you can speak your mind and get re-energised.

It takes a village to raise a child, the saying goes. What if it takes communities to support adults? Enjoy connecting!