Letting go – or GO AWAY for a week or two!

Little did I know that all my (well intended) efforts to get the family to eat healthy and exercise more were in vain. I pushed, I was the example, I poked and annoyed them all. And then went away for two weeks for work. Leading up to my departure, the rest of the family was having hallucinations about a dinner plan alternating McD, Subway and pizza, NO carrots in sight (read my previous blog and you will know why), eating in front of the TV every night and on they went. Returning – with a slight fear of seeing a family with their teeth falling out, pimples all over their pale faces – I was amazed to be welcomed by the most happy bunch ever! They had had no one harrassing them, had kept a smooth flow. I realised that you can only set goals for yourself and lead with your example. But you can’t force the horse to drink. You can help them put words to what healthy means for them – and what they could fancy doing that would be fun. But don’t think YOUR world and ways are right for everyone else. Point taken. The happy ending … More Letting go – or GO AWAY for a week or two! »

CARROTS are good – but stints of CRAZINESS even better

What’s this thing with carrots? Making dinner – having some meat, some pasta and then VOILA some cold, peeled carrots, and I actually feel that I haven’t failed totally as a parent, that there is some healthy angle to the plate. Peeling a whole bag of carrots, slicing them and leaving them in a tub of water in the fridge is my personal contribution to the family health. When not peeled, they go old (except for the odd one offered to a horse or bunny) – but when ready-to-grab, magically they evaporate within days. I’m NOT good at cooking. It’s not a passion of mine. Unfortunately not my husbands either – but how we deal with that is for another day. But I do care about what we eat, and I know we are more happy when we eat good food. Carrots were my first statement. I’ve recently discovered kale – because it was our bunny’s favourite feed (and she knows quality, will always choose fresh over supermarket veggies). You never know where your inspiration will come from, right? And this is the point, I know I’m not normal. But how good is that to show your kids? That carrots … More CARROTS are good – but stints of CRAZINESS even better »

Time management to perfection – including time to relax!

Planning ahead can keep you out of most trouble. You knew, didn’t you? When you get super stressed and angry at everyone in traffic, it’s really because you left 15 minutes later than planned, right? So count backwards, and get the things you REALLY need to get done, done in time. And then DON’T start seven other things that you just thought of and may be able to pull off. Don’t be a time optimist – be a time realist, then YOU will be happier. And when you know that you get really grumpy if you don’t get any food for hours, then make sure to always have some slices of carrot or almonds/raisins in your bag. I must look like a hamster, always bringing food – and starting the morning laying out my small snacks at my desk. But uh, I tell you: it’s for the good of all of us!! Don’t use planning as an excuse to get even more stressed (and stressing others out). Some mornings my husband actually asked me to get out of there, because I was planning, managing and shooting out orders and stressing them all out. So: how to use this skill to … More Time management to perfection – including time to relax! »

No PETS allowed – well, maybe a bunny if you force me

On the subject of nature, I never had a pet. Well, my brother had a budgie and a lovely dog that became our family friend, but I never went close to the bird cage and really hated how his room smelled of old cucumber. I did walk the dog now and then (my brother paying me to do so?!!), and did confess a few sad feelings to it. But no big connection. So when our kids started asking for pets, it was a clear NO. They’re messy, needs feeding and cleaning. And I would freak out if anyone put a bird near me – and pretend to be a statue if someone’s dear cat got close to me in the couch. After long discussions, we agreed on two gold fish in a bowl. The kids lost interest after a while, one died and we donated the other to after school care’s collection. We did try having a dog for a week. A rescue dog that we checked out carefully, but as it started to settle in to the new surroundings of our home, its issues came out full force with bared teeth, biting and compulsive behaviour. So we decided to … More No PETS allowed – well, maybe a bunny if you force me »

NATURE??? No thanks, I tend to kill plants within a 20 cm radius.

I’m a city girl. Had no idea what the stuff in the supermarket looked like originally (vacuum packed slices of ham.. no real connection to a live animal, and frozen vegetables.. no idea how they would look in nature and if grown on bushes or in the ground). Did go to a farm with school once and wrote a nice essay about it. But no idea or interest in the missing link. Did have a phase with cacti (in my window sill) – because they could survive even if I didn’t look their way for weeks. And did like when our family one year got peas out of some square metres of garden patch. A neighbour once asked me to look after her pot plants. Bad move. Over watered most of them and had no idea. Nearly as bad a move as when I became au pair after only having looked after one kid for one night. Amazing what people trust you with, just because you look kind of normal and sound sensible. A school girlfriend did give me a book with easy steps to follow to look after the most popular pot plants. Did manage to keep a succulent … More NATURE??? No thanks, I tend to kill plants within a 20 cm radius. »

OUTSOURCE!! No, you didn’t pick up a business magazine – this is for YOU!

Here’s a funny one for a rainy afternoon: Mentally hire a consulting group. Imagine them walking in your front door (these guys never come in the back), black suits and all, half your age and very serious. Embrace them. They’ll refuse the cup of tea you offer – their eyes are already set on the target. Let them. Now imagine them analysing bit by bit your whole life (freakingly scary, I know!!). Every action you take from you get out of bed on a Monday morning till you collapse on the same bed Sunday night, not knowing how another week passed by. They will check which things you are GREAT at doing yourself – and which tasks you should rather delegate (oh, I can feel your nervous ticks starting, a panic of letting go is moving through your body??!!). You will start explaining why ONLY you can do this and that, but these guys don’t care, it’s all excuses! Whisper to me the first thing that comes to mind that you are NOT good at and would love to let go of (be honest here!): cleaning, doing your taxes, baking that birthday cake, planning the next event at your club, … More OUTSOURCE!! No, you didn’t pick up a business magazine – this is for YOU! »

How to find 6 hours a week – for YOU

What’s YOUR passion? What makes you smile and feel good? How can you carve out 6 hours of that, just for you? You never GET time, you have to TAKE time to the things you love. Eat more carrots. Do more exercise. Here is my advice to you: stop reading gossip and women’s magazines. Just trust your own instincts and common sense. Da-daaaa – I just gave you back 1 hr a week. Stop ironing. I’m not kidding. Just stop. Buy clothes that don’t need it. Dry your washing on hangers – and then straight into the cupboard. If you or your husband need business shirts for work – pay to get it done. Or make a plan to change jobs (or the dress code at work, it may take a bit, but trust me, it’s possible. And you all feel better and more yourself afterwards anyway). How many hours did you get into your “hours for just ME” bank? Honestly. OK, 2 hours. Make the kids make their own lunch boxes. OK skip if you have toddlers. But for the rest of you, ask your kids to be part of the tribe – show them you NEED them to … More How to find 6 hours a week – for YOU »

A hobby???? Isn’t that for retired people?

OK, here’s a secret: I’m 44 and have already spent SO many hours of my life doing things I love. If you start counting, how many hours did you spend this week on YOU and something you really like doing? If you can count them on one hand, GET MOVING on putting yourself and your passions up the top of the list (how did I know you have a to-do-list? Well, don’t we all?). I love singing, I always have. From when I was a kid, in choirs, bands, musicals, you name it. Most women stop celebrating their birthdays at some point, and in general stop celebrating anything remotely funny in their lives – especially when the kids come along. But that’s insane, you need it more than ever from then on! So I kept singing. It isn’t always easy and sometimes I drag myself to choir on a Thursday night. But guess what? I always leave with steps that are lighter and a smile on my face. So singing is my “breathing space”. When we had our first child, only two weeks passed before I was out the door to sing (aka. breathe!). And when we moved to the … More A hobby???? Isn’t that for retired people? »

A passion? No, I don’t have time for that..

Follow your passion! Why? Hrm… let me see: it would make you happy, fill your days and weeks with joy, give you energy to all the other things in life. Is that enough reason? I’m really good at following my passions. Some may say I’m selfish – or could you say I’m focused? Housework is over-rated, it will always come back, take all of your “spare time” and good sense of humour, so why not leave it for now and read a good book instead? I have many passions, that’s a safe way of always having an outlet that fits your mood, the weather, the time up your sleeve. Singing with others is one, painting nonsense paintings, reading, writing, running through the bush, just sitting thinking. How good is that for choice? Oh, did I mention “having time”? You never get time, you have to TAKE time to do the things you love, put them up the top of your list (yes, I also do to-do-lists!) because NOW is the best time. I proudly tell colleagues and friends how I can sit in the middle of a room where a bomb just seems to have gone off – and read. … More A passion? No, I don’t have time for that.. »