Delayed ruminating

We all have around 70,000 thoughts a day. The biggest difference in how we perceive the quality of our day is linked to how we manage all of these thoughts. Metacognitive therapy has had great results dealing with depression simply by limiting the amount of time clients spend ruminating over the things that worry us or what’s called trigger thoughts. Remarkable results through a few steps practised and followed up professionally: 1)    Become aware of the trigger thoughts 2)    Define a certain time a day for ruminating – for example, every night 8-9pm 3)    Every time during the day you catch yourself reacting to a trigger thought, you delay that ruminating: “I’ll come back to that at 8 pm” Limiting the amount of time spent turning, twisting and twirling the negative or worried thoughts is the key. It’s NOT changing negative thoughts into positive, it’s NOT trying to empty your mind and not think at all (how can we possibly with 70,000 thoughts a day?). It’s realising we ourselves have a choice: as the trigger thought pops up, decide to delay ruminating about it until 8 pm in your defined ruminating slot. During the day, we then practice doing two … More Delayed ruminating »

The perpetual potential pitfall?

Do you often get excited about something new that’s possible for you, but never get around to doing anything about it? Or take one step (often including buying sporting equipment (!?!), a book or something else to start this new, exciting path), but then don’t do anything more about it? That’s the definition of perpetual potential. The excitement of what’s possible, but never stepping up to the mark. We all do it, and if it’s dreaming, it’s all good. But if it’s something you really want, over time you’ll start blaming yourself for not making it happen. We get excited about this possibility, we buy something to get started – BUT, we never apply it. That’s why the potential is perpetual: it lasts forever, the potential is always there ahead of us, but never cashed in, so to speak. Did you know, that most books bought are never opened? Or if opened, never read start to finish? That’s a perfect example of this (and less costly than sporting equipment!). We humans are walking contradictions. We really WANTED to make this happen, but the second we bought that helping remedy, the mind ticked it off the list: “… now I HAVE done … More The perpetual potential pitfall? »

Sushi train of thoughts

We all have around 70,000 thoughts a day. No wonder it can get a bit overwhelming?! The beauty is though, that it doesn’t matter how many thoughts we have flying past – what matters are those we grab and hang onto, take for a spin, ponder and let linger: they are the ones that risk dragging us down. A really refreshing tactic came from recent, successful work to help people with depression, which we can all learn from: limit the amount of time a day, you dive into the worrying, ruminating thoughts. Aha! It’s NOT changing negative thoughts into positive ones, it’s NOT trying to empty your mind and not think at all (how can we possibly with 70,000 thoughts a day?). It’s limiting the amount of time we allow ourselves to give the worrying thoughts attention. Specifically, set a time a day that becomes your routine “worry wort time”. Let’s say 8-9pm every day. Whenever during the day, you catch yourself jumping onto the worry train, jump off: you will worry about it at 8pm (and no, you do not need to write a note about it). Simplified, it’s us observing our thoughts like a sushi train. Noticing the … More Sushi train of thoughts »

Using both hands!

I’ve got two hands. But in everyday life and throughout my life, I’ve only used one of them. What?? That seems crazy. Still, that’s what most of us do, when it comes to our masculine and feminine powers. We all have both. It’s not gender specific. Yet, we often early in life choose our preferred way of making decisions, of talking with others, of making things happen, of how we build relationships. And forget all about “the other hand” we could be using. When we put on the masculine hat, we strive for results, set deadlines, want fast conclusions, power through so to speak. That’s great in so many ways. But the risk is, that we burn out, try fixing everything ourselves, and often dominate others both through work and in our relationships. How can others get a word in, when you’re wearing the bossy pants all the time?? On top of the hazard of your own wellbeing, the biggest risk is that you don’t allow others to add their value, their way. What’s our feminine hat helping us do, then? Create through flow, collaboration and exploration. It’s a softer way, can seem slower at first, but often much more … More Using both hands! »

OMG – am I an introvert??

Most of you, who have met me, would say no. I like being around people, like talking and do occasionally end up centre of attention with a good story… Well, well, what if it wasn’t as black and white as that? Who here treasure time on your own? Thought so. And who here need downtime after lots of socialising? Thought so, too. We are not one or the other. And there IS no right or wrong – even if society, the schooling system, workplaces with open offices and many other places make us believe being extroverted is the only thing that counts. It’s not as simple as “do you prefer partying or staying home alone?”. How social we are, may give a hint, but our preference is as much about how we motivate ourselves – do we get energy from others, from outside, or do we get our energy from within. As always, there is value in diversity. Have you noticed, how the best conversation partners are often more introverted? They actually LISTEN, they aren’t too busy talking about themselves, and often they have a deep knowledge and understanding of lots of fascinating subjects. I’m very fortunate to be surrounded … More OMG – am I an introvert?? »

Hello…., I’m talking to you!

The Positive Thinking movement is overrated. It’s great to know we can change our thoughts, and focus on the positive, on what we’re grateful for. But. So often, that voice will very quickly be overtaken by the inner critic. So, what about we acknowledge that it’s there? Hello…. inner critic, I’m talking to you! I need a word with you. And to most people’s surprise, that word is ‘Thank You’! Because that loop of self-criticism is really just our egos trying to keep us safe. Wanting us to stay in our box. Stay put. So, the best way of opening that dialogue – which may be a very new one for you –  is saying thank you. Thanks voice, for wanting to keep me safe. I’ve got this. This time, you’re not invited to the party. I may not get it right, but I’m gonna have a go. I’m good enough as I am. And right now, I’m doing that thing I’ve been keeping away from. You’re not invited, I’ve got this. With clients, I get them to dress up their inner critic. Give that self-talk, the critical voice in your head, a new pitch – what about making it … More Hello…., I’m talking to you! »

Are your decisions quick?

Successful people make decisions quickly, and change them slowly. Yet, most of us take forever deliberating, procrastinating, pondering, wondering, worrying about a decision to be made – and never get to making it! How much wasted time and worry is that?? So, what about choosing a handier strategy for decisions: deciding to make them quickly going forward? The simplest way is by using Richard Branson’s bullet proof decision tree: 1) what’s the worst thing that can happen? 2) can I handle that? For some of you, that is scarily simple – and if you want, we can make it more complex and add a few steps. But what about trying it this coming week, using these two questions and having fun making quick decisions? Start with little decisions to get you going, and enjoy ramping it up. OK, now for those of you, who simply can’t deal with something that simple – here is a brain twister to keep you entertained, while making up your mind: “What will happen if I do this?” “What won’t happen if I do this?” “What will happen if I don’t do this?” “What won’t happen if I don’t do this?” You’ll be amazed at … More Are your decisions quick? »

One year for women – or one day?

Last year I shared this article. Amazed at the great progress since from my clients, both male and female, to promote more women to do what they do best. So, let’s make it every day, not just one day? International women’s day. I treasure women, I treasure men. I don’t think we need special days – just like we don’t do “Father’s Day” and “Mother’s Day” in our house. I respect and admire all the strong and brave people who made it possible for us to live with the rights we have today. And I acknowledge many people needing better lives still. But last year US women had been encouraged to not work and not spend on this day, to show how society’s wheels would not turn without us. And in Australia some companies have started ratios for how many women you need to hire. I don’t think that’s the way. Progress is created not by opposition, provocation or rules, but by visionary humans (men and women). Respecting each other, finding the root cause when things are not right yet and then encouraging each other to take the brave steps needed. We all have both masculine and feminine energy and … More One year for women – or one day? »

Asking myself WHAT??

The quality of our life is determined by the quality of the questions we ask ourselves. Unfortunately, most of us ask ourselves really rubbish questions. You know, how great leaders ask great questions – instead of just telling people what to do, which is common, but a low standard of leadership. Well, for all of us, leaders of businesses, teams – and leaders of life – most of the questions we ask, never pass our lips. They are part of the constant self-talk in our heads, the looping noise. Starting the day with (self-talk) questions like: ‘How am I going to manage all this?’ or ‘Why me?’ or ‘How am I going to get through this day?’ is pretty common for even the best. But we give our brains very little chance of high quality answers with such a low starting point. Our brain’s best options would be answering ‘You’re not’, ‘Because that’s what always happens’ and ‘Barely breathing’. So, what about setting the bar a little higher? A good place to start is with these 7 quality questions, that give your brain an opportunity to actually look for a quality answer (from Awaken the Giant within). You have to … More Asking myself WHAT?? »

Passport to the world

Becoming a global citizen, what does that entail? After getting my second passport, a friend on Facebook played with the idea of having passports for “citizens of the world” – how good would that be? I imagine it would mean free entry to all countries, honorary dinners at the “citizens of the world club” and a fascinating Facebook community sharing key insights to living truly globally. Of course, you would have to pass a test to get this citizenship, maybe with language tests on at least 3 fluent languages and showcasing experiences from at least 5 different cultures? Speaking different languages is such a gift. Because you really get to understand a culture when you understand the structure of the language and the thinking behind it. I must admit my benchmark went to another level on a flight to Europe, sitting next to a former correspondent speaking 17 languages, including currently having a go at Vietnamese – his first ever attempt at a Tone language. How fascinating is that?? I may be nerdy, but it got me very excited learning about the principles of a Tone language, and my number of spoken languages suddenly felt a bit average. It’s always … More Passport to the world »