This may be a good time to rest. To allow all disappointment, resentment, anger, sorry and emptiness. To allow it to surface. To let it be. To rest the mind and body. To take that extra nap. We’ve had so much change. We’re having so many restrictions. We may still have so many demands – and all the unmet expectations for ourselves. Let it all go. I’m resting. I think you should, too.
What do we do when we’re not OK? When we’re not 100%? Most of the time we keep pushing through – or fall into a puddle of self-blame. Would you be curious if I say there is another way? Be kind. What??? Be kind to yourself. That’s it??? You’re kidding me??? Not really. This is where change starts. When you feel un-wellness creeping in or feel stuck it is a gentle reminder from your inner voice (or sometimes not so gentle if we keep turning the deaf ear for too long…) for you to check back in. When we feel off-kilter, when the body is telling us it needs a break or when our emotions tell us that something is not quite right, step one of turning it around is to be kind to ourselves. It’s a reminder to listen to that inner voice (hello….hello…..I know you’re in there….even if I haven’t paid attention to you for a while….). You may have gotten off track in some way and it’s OK, you will get back on track if you give yourself a chance. This comes in two ways, so stay with me: Either you’re coming from the NARCISSIST side of … More Hello….hello…..I know you’re in there!! »
What’s the worst version of yourself? The moments you’re not proud of, the ones not shared on social media. Is it when you’re bitter, angry, sad, lonely or maybe like me, butthurt? We tend to have a version of ourselves that we present to others. And then we have the other side. The parts of ourselves that we have shame or embarrassment around, because they are not as attractive for others, based on our conclusions from life so far. The trick to emotional intimacy is, like for all other things, practice. Why would we want to practice it? To accept that all emotions are good signals for us – they don’t need to be sorted into a list of good and bad emotions. And they don’t need to be shared with others as we practice. Learning the piano, we do have a go ourselves and the piano for a bit, before we take it to the concert hall, right? As we get more aware of all of our emotions and allow them to show, they don’t scare us anymore – whether coming from ourselves or others. Let’s get clear: getting intimate with our emotions is not about wallowing in them, … More Me… butthurt?!? The 4 steps to owning your own stuff. »
We all have around 70,000 thoughts a day. The biggest difference in how we perceive the quality of our day is linked to how we manage all of these thoughts. Metacognitive therapy has had great results dealing with depression simply by limiting the amount of time clients spend ruminating over the things that worry us or what’s called trigger thoughts. Remarkable results through a few steps practised and followed up professionally: 1) Become aware of the trigger thoughts 2) Define a certain time a day for ruminating – for example, every night 8-9pm 3) Every time during the day you catch yourself reacting to a trigger thought, you delay that ruminating: “I’ll come back to that at 8 pm” Limiting the amount of time spent turning, twisting and twirling the negative or worried thoughts is the key. It’s NOT changing negative thoughts into positive, it’s NOT trying to empty your mind and not think at all (how can we possibly with 70,000 thoughts a day?). It’s realising we ourselves have a choice: as the trigger thought pops up, decide to delay ruminating about it until 8 pm in your defined ruminating slot. During the day, we then practice doing two … More Delayed ruminating »
A weekend of singing. With 40 awesome people. Practicing for our upcoming gig. But also creating great conversations: with the newer ones you haven’t had a chance to talk to yet and getting closer to those you already know. Singing, grooving, eating, laughing, dancing, playing games. While getting super ready and pumped for the performance. Do I feel like the luckiest one? What makes YOUR heart sing? What brings you joy and energy? That you can bring into your everyday life, your work, your business, the things that may not be as easy as you would like them to at the moment? Having a hobby is a great thing. Making time for it is YOUR responsibility. If this is stirring your pot, find out what it could be for you, and how to make it happen before the end of the year. Your future self will thank you for it.
We all have around 70,000 thoughts a day. No wonder it can get a bit overwhelming?! The beauty is though, that it doesn’t matter how many thoughts we have flying past – what matters are those we grab and hang onto, take for a spin, ponder and let linger: they are the ones that risk dragging us down. A really refreshing tactic came from recent, successful work to help people with depression, which we can all learn from: limit the amount of time a day, you dive into the worrying, ruminating thoughts. Aha! It’s NOT changing negative thoughts into positive ones, it’s NOT trying to empty your mind and not think at all (how can we possibly with 70,000 thoughts a day?). It’s limiting the amount of time we allow ourselves to give the worrying thoughts attention. Specifically, set a time a day that becomes your routine “worry wort time”. Let’s say 8-9pm every day. Whenever during the day, you catch yourself jumping onto the worry train, jump off: you will worry about it at 8pm (and no, you do not need to write a note about it). Simplified, it’s us observing our thoughts like a sushi train. Noticing the … More Sushi train of thoughts »
I’ve got two hands. But in everyday life and throughout my life, I’ve only used one of them. What?? That seems crazy. Still, that’s what most of us do, when it comes to our masculine and feminine powers. We all have both. It’s not gender specific. Yet, we often early in life choose our preferred way of making decisions, of talking with others, of making things happen, of how we build relationships. And forget all about “the other hand” we could be using. When we put on the masculine hat, we strive for results, set deadlines, want fast conclusions, power through so to speak. That’s great in so many ways. But the risk is, that we burn out, try fixing everything ourselves, and often dominate others both through work and in our relationships. How can others get a word in, when you’re wearing the bossy pants all the time?? On top of the hazard of your own wellbeing, the biggest risk is that you don’t allow others to add their value, their way. What’s our feminine hat helping us do, then? Create through flow, collaboration and exploration. It’s a softer way, can seem slower at first, but often much more … More Using both hands! »
Who else than Danish TV would show ‘De perfekte piger’ (the perfect girls), where four girls in their early twenties meet weekly to help each other let go of the mask of the perfect girl? Well, I don’t know any other countries I’ve lived or worked in, who would. It’s pretty confronting to watch, because it’s not glamour or talk-show or famous-people-surviving-on-an-island: it’s everyday girls. And it’s confronting because most of you reading this would either know the perfect girl from yourselves or have girls or women in your lives who know that role all too well…. They may be 8, 11, 14, 17, 21, 35, 47, 56, 69, 77, 84 or…. They try so hard, and it’s never enough. Because when we define perfect in our heads, it’s the best-possible-façade that we see others put on during school, work, family gatherings, shopping or on social media. It is based on the little pockets in time, where someone, somewhere has got it all together. It’s NEVER a realistic full-week-in-someone’s-life where you compare your everyday life to their everyday life, with all the ups and downs, disappointments and joys, misunderstandings and glimpses of contentment. It’s a comparison that will never be … More When a lot is not enough… »
The quality of our life is determined by the quality of the questions we ask ourselves. Unfortunately, most of us ask ourselves really rubbish questions. You know, how great leaders ask great questions – instead of just telling people what to do, which is common, but a low standard of leadership. Well, for all of us, leaders of businesses, teams – and leaders of life – most of the questions we ask, never pass our lips. They are part of the constant self-talk in our heads, the looping noise. Starting the day with (self-talk) questions like: ‘How am I going to manage all this?’ or ‘Why me?’ or ‘How am I going to get through this day?’ is pretty common for even the best. But we give our brains very little chance of high quality answers with such a low starting point. Our brain’s best options would be answering ‘You’re not’, ‘Because that’s what always happens’ and ‘Barely breathing’. So, what about setting the bar a little higher? A good place to start is with these 7 quality questions, that give your brain an opportunity to actually look for a quality answer (from Awaken the Giant within). You have to … More Asking myself WHAT?? »
Some friends of ours slept in the car the other week, coming back to the grandparents’ place after a great night and finding themselves locked out. It can’t get more teenager than that – sleeping the last few hours of the night in a car outside your parents’ place. Fabulous. That’s exactly what we need to do more of. All of us. Enjoying ourselves, taking time to just be, to have fun with people we like hanging out with. Exactly like we (may or may not!) have done as teenagers. If you didn’t, grab a second chance. Celebrating friends’ 50th at the moment, we and lots around us have that freedom coming back now with kids looking after themselves. But it doesn’t matter if you, reading this, have kids or not. If you’re in your 20’s, 30’s or 40’s, in a high-pressure career or retired – it doesn’t matter at all. The point is, as we’re so busy becoming responsible adults, doing the things we’ve seen others do as adults, we forget. We forget that the most important thing is to keep your childlike curiosity alive, to tap into your teenage-like enjoyment and laissez-faire now and then. What’s something teenagish … More Like teenagers again »