Didn’t you like the flowers??!!

When we pick a flower from our garden and put it in a vase, it seems like a great idea at the time, but it may be short-lived compared to leaving it growing in its habitat: with roots and stems and its foundation intact, it can blossom for weeks or months in some cases. This reminded me of how we give feedback. Ideally, it should be more feedforward than feedback. Sharing an observation that brings value to the receiver going forward. In their habitat. Just like giving flowers should be choosing the bouquet that the receiver likes. But just like the flower taken from its habitat, our well-intended feedback can be given out of context. We may think it’s giving a rose, a flower, a gift of insight from us to them. But, that short-lived, picked flower from us needs to make sense and fit into the receiver’s habitat, their roots, their stems, their foundation. Do you recognise how we sometimes throw a comment or “feedback” to someone else as we race into the next meeting? As it leaves our mind and mouth, we’re normally done, then “that’s out of the way”, maybe it even felt good and powerful to … More Didn’t you like the flowers??!! »

Ready for a new decade?

We have a few weeks left of this month. A few months left of this year – wait, what? It’s not just a year coming to an end, it’s a decade! Which means we’re about to enter a brand new decade. That’s exciting – or scary if you’re not sure how to go about it. What do you want to make happen in the 20s? WHO do you want to be? What do you ABSOLUTELY want to leave behind and close the door on in this decade? Let’s use the next few months wisely. To get clear on the answers to these questions for you, your teams and your business. Let’s make this new decade matter. Make YOU matter. Let’s create the best decade ever. P.S.: I saw the Aretha Franklin movie Amazing Grace yesterday with a friend from our choir and absolutely loved it. She is so effortless when she sings. So true to herself. She keeps it so simple and yet moves so many people. The lyrics from one of the songs hit me (and stuck with me because I know myself well enough to grab my phone to capture it): “If I could I surely would”. And … More Ready for a new decade? »

The Good News Channel

I don’t watch the news. Not because I don’t care. But because I want to focus my energy and mind on things I can impact. Good thoughts foster good action and worried thoughts more worry and despair. I always said that one day I was going to start a ‘Happy News Channel’. Where journalists would go out in the world to capture the good stories, bring them back and edit them into news clips that would bring hope, inspiration and action. A former Reuters journalist I talked with on the plane years ago understood my urge but concluded that some students had tried it once… It doesn’t sell as many tickets, it doesn’t get viewers. I get it: our brains are wired to look for danger and you get more reactions from people around you if you bring a big drama compared to sharing a story around what a smooth, easy day you had because everything worked out exactly as you wanted it to. It’s encouraging that so many of us are passionate about creating a better world, but when we frame it ‘war against waste’ or ‘war against…’ we bring more attention to the unwanted state – and make … More The Good News Channel »

One step up the feeling-good ladder

You know what it feels like when you have a shitty day. And you so wish it would get better, but most often you’re waiting for something outside of you to shift. Don’t. Wherever you are on the feeling-shit to feeling-awesome ladder right now, YOU are the one in control of shifting it. And here’s the thing: don’t be unrealistic by wanting shit to become shine in a second – take one step at a time. That’s also why it can be annoying with a well-meaning friend on a much more positive radio channel wanting you to ‘think positive’. Just because they are able to reach that frequency right now doesn’t mean you can reach it – this is where the positive psychology movement can be misunderstood. Take the step that’s available to YOU right now – and it will make a difference. Here are the simple steps: 1) Reach for the best-feeling thought you can come up with right now. This will switch the radio channel you’re currently listening to one step up. 2) Notice the shift and relief as you allow a better-feeling-thought and let go of what you were feeling just a moment ago. 3) Do this … More One step up the feeling-good ladder »

Your name. Your identity.

Annlone or Annlone [said Danishly]. Your name is an important part of recognising yourself. I’ve had some fascinating conversations around names – how you and others say your name – with people I’ve met recently. Thank you to all of these people who showed curiosity and wanted to be able to say it, the Danish way. And hearing your stories made me want to do this blog because I can hear it’s resonating. If you’re based in another country, living away from where you grew up, you probably resonate with this. You were given a name, you heard your parents or the other big people call you that. And if you liked the name you had and those using it, it became a positive part of your identity. An important part of recognising yourself – differentiated from others. Living surrounded by lots of different languages, even international names like Peter, Michael, Sarah and so on will be pronounced differently in German, French, Danish, English. Some take the consequence and change their name when settling into a new culture – Joan becoming Yoan, Pierre becoming Pete. Good on you. I went through 3 versions – because just Ann is not me, … More Your name. Your identity. »

The little BUT…

Read an article the other day, reminding me of the word BUT. It’s one of the first changes you make when you start becoming aware of language – whether as a coach, a parent or a leader. To change BUT in all your sentences with AND. It seems like a tiny thing, and still, it has a profound effect. Try it on: a compliment, a positive comment about the party you were at or the person you’re talking with – and then you add another sentence and link them with BUT: “She is really nice, but she talks a lot”. Immediately, you have diminished, deleted, negated anything positive you have just said – for the person on the receiving end, they conclude that it was just nice wrapping, now comes the real message. With a BUT, talking a lot is not a good thing. You pick up that she’s less nice because of it. Tiny change and positive effect: “She is really nice, and she talks a lot”. Do you see, how the judgment has diminished? It can be positive, or no matter how we perceive it, it’s accepted as who she is. It could mean that she’s good at … More The little BUT… »

Hello…., I’m talking to you!

The Positive Thinking movement is overrated. It’s great to know we can change our thoughts, and focus on the positive, on what we’re grateful for. But. So often, that voice will very quickly be overtaken by the inner critic. So, what about we acknowledge that it’s there? Hello…. inner critic, I’m talking to you! I need a word with you. And to most people’s surprise, that word is ‘Thank You’! Because that loop of self-criticism is really just our egos trying to keep us safe. Wanting us to stay in our box. Stay put. So, the best way of opening that dialogue – which may be a very new one for you – is saying thank you. Thanks voice, for wanting to keep me safe. I’ve got this. This time, you’re not invited to the party. I may not get it right, but I’m gonna have a go. I’m good enough as I am. And right now, I’m doing that thing I’ve been keeping away from. You’re not invited, I’ve got this. With clients, I get them to dress up their inner critic. Give that self-talk, the critical voice in your head, a new pitch – what about making it … More Hello…., I’m talking to you! »

Are your decisions quick?

Successful people make decisions quickly, and change them slowly. Yet, most of us take forever deliberating, procrastinating, pondering, wondering, worrying about a decision to be made – and never get to making it! How much wasted time and worry is that?? So, what about choosing a handier strategy for decisions: deciding to make them quickly going forward? The simplest way is by using Richard Branson’s bullet proof decision tree: 1) what’s the worst thing that can happen? 2) can I handle that? For some of you, that is scarily simple – and if you want, we can make it more complex and add a few steps. But what about trying it this coming week, using these two questions and having fun making quick decisions? Start with little decisions to get you going, and enjoy ramping it up. OK, now for those of you, who simply can’t deal with something that simple – here is a brain twister to keep you entertained, while making up your mind: “What will happen if I do this?” “What won’t happen if I do this?” “What will happen if I don’t do this?” “What won’t happen if I don’t do this?” You’ll be amazed at … More Are your decisions quick? »

One year for women – or one day?

Last year I shared this article. Amazed at the great progress since from my clients, both male and female, to promote more women to do what they do best. So, let’s make it every day, not just one day? International women’s day. I treasure women, I treasure men. I don’t think we need special days – just like we don’t do “Father’s Day” and “Mother’s Day” in our house. I respect and admire all the strong and brave people who made it possible for us to live with the rights we have today. And I acknowledge many people needing better lives still. But last year US women had been encouraged to not work and not spend on this day, to show how society’s wheels would not turn without us. And in Australia some companies have started ratios for how many women you need to hire. I don’t think that’s the way. Progress is created not by opposition, provocation or rules, but by visionary humans (men and women). Respecting each other, finding the root cause when things are not right yet and then encouraging each other to take the brave steps needed. We all have both masculine and feminine energy and … More One year for women – or one day? »

Asking myself WHAT??

The quality of our life is determined by the quality of the questions we ask ourselves. Unfortunately, most of us ask ourselves really rubbish questions. You know, how great leaders ask great questions – instead of just telling people what to do, which is common, but a low standard of leadership. Well, for all of us, leaders of businesses, teams – and leaders of life – most of the questions we ask, never pass our lips. They are part of the constant self-talk in our heads, the looping noise. Starting the day with (self-talk) questions like: ‘How am I going to manage all this?’ or ‘Why me?’ or ‘How am I going to get through this day?’ is pretty common for even the best. But we give our brains very little chance of high quality answers with such a low starting point. Our brain’s best options would be answering ‘You’re not’, ‘Because that’s what always happens’ and ‘Barely breathing’. So, what about setting the bar a little higher? A good place to start is with these 7 quality questions, that give your brain an opportunity to actually look for a quality answer (from Awaken the Giant within). You have to … More Asking myself WHAT?? »