All people pleasers will feel really good while thinking GIVER. Maybe stop reading now or embrace yourself for what’s coming!!?!
Giving is a beautiful thing, but the key is the WAY we give. Is it with slight bitterness, martyrdom or defeat (no-one else is gonna do it…). What if it wasn’t about giving things or “services” (doing all the mundane stuff for others), what if the best thing we can give is significance?
And here comes the crucial question: are you a giver or a getter of significance?? Significance as in making us feel seen, that we matter, that it makes a difference we’re here.
So do you GIVE others significance: your presence in that moment, true interest in whatever they are interested in, listening without prejudice or your map of right and wrong superimposed on top, asking questions to understand more? Or are you more about GETTING significance?
“See how nothing would get done here without me”, topping others’ stories with one you have that’s even worse/bigger/better… The full-blown significance-getters are the drama kings and queens of this world – but most of us do it really well too in many situations, without even being aware of it.
So start your radar scanning your own ratio of getting and giving significance this coming week. And notice how great it feels when you’re really into someone else and what they’re telling, doing or even better BEING. The silent acceptance of who we’re being can be one of the strongest. That’s why pottering about in the garden with a grandparent can be so lovely – no questions, just being. It can be as simple as a smile to someone you’re passing – acknowledging their presence.
My parents are absolutely amazing. I’ve often said to teams: everyone should spend a week with my parents. I only today have the words to describe it, but they are true givers of significance. When you are with them, they are truly interested in you, they listen with open minds (most of the time, not when you tell you’re moving to the other side of the world, including kidnapping the grandkids… well, we’re all human!). They ask questions to understand where you’re coming from or why it’s important to you, and you sense their good hearts for everyone, no matter the normal external gauges of status or social acceptance. They feel good in their own skin – and therefore have the space for others.
So with three cheers to them, let’s all do our best this week to explore GIVING significance.