At their 50th wedding anniversary, the minister asked: “Did you ever consider divorce? No, they answered, but murder!!”. It may be a Danish myth. It rings true though.
An elderly couple shared with me recently how they had had a couple of tough months, not understanding each other, feeling lonely. It’s fascinating, isn’t it? No matter how much we try, it’s an everlasting journey to understand each other.
When was the last time you said something (SO clearly), and the other party totally didn’t get it??!! It drives you mad, right? Especially in relationships, we fall in love with this amazing human, opposite to ourselves in many ways. The yin to the yang. We fall in love with the stretch, the things we want to become.
So instead of thinking how you CANNOT do another day of this, decide to shift. Not your partner, but your mindset. To what you originally was fascinated by. To how you yourself want to talk, think and act. NOT how you would like the other to talk, think and act (arghhh….. bummer!). Start changing yourself, and you will see the ripples.
I’m teaching behavioural profiles at the moment – your DISC, Myers Briggs and other models. The light bulb moments are amazing, when people realise why it feels SO easy to talk with some people, and SUCH hard work with others. But how we with awareness and a few tools can make different types of people light up and feel understood in our conversations.
How would that increase the quality of your everyday life? Making conversations more meaningful? Building the relationship deeper instead of moving further apart every time you try to communicate?
Often it’s not about divorce. It’s about wanting to find the tiny opening to get back into using the discussions and disagreements to explore the other’s mindset and beliefs. And not to change the other person. To start with yourself. When something gets you really annoyed: Check inside, which meaning are you giving it? How can you make the first step to show curiosity to explore instead of defence or backing out.
I’m wondering… anyone up for the challenge of going for the 50th? AND enjoying everyday life as we go along? Count me in.