Sushi train of thoughts

We all have around 70,000 thoughts a day. No wonder it can get a bit overwhelming?! The beauty is though, that it doesn’t matter how many thoughts we have flying past – what matters are those we grab and hang onto, take for a spin, ponder and let linger: they are the ones that risk dragging us down. A really refreshing tactic came from recent, successful work to help people with depression, which we can all learn from: limit the amount of time a day, you dive into the worrying, ruminating thoughts. Aha! It’s NOT changing negative thoughts into positive ones, it’s NOT trying to empty your mind and not think at all (how can we possibly with 70,000 thoughts a day?). It’s limiting the amount of time we allow ourselves to give the worrying thoughts attention. Specifically, set a time a day that becomes your routine “worry wort time”. Let’s say 8-9pm every day. Whenever during the day, you catch yourself jumping onto the worry train, jump off: you will worry about it at 8pm (and no, you do not need to write a note about it). Simplified, it’s us observing our thoughts like a sushi train. Noticing the … More Sushi train of thoughts »

Close the gap!

Heard this story from a friend having a visitor stay. He had shown the visitor around town, spent quite some time in the car. One afternoon, driving along, the visitor shouted out loud: close the gap, close the gap! My friend had no idea what he was talking about – until he slowly realised that the visitor wanted him to speed up to get closer to the car in front, so that no-one else would get in. He was appalled, amused, bewildered. But isn’t this a great metaphor for how differently we can live our lives? Are you the one wanting to ‘close the gap’ to not let others in, fearing others taking away from what you believe is yours to be had? Or are you happy opening the gap, letting more people and unexpected episodes in – being abundant and open-minded with your time, your space? When waiting on a busy road, I’m now always curious for who of the oncoming motorists has the awareness, the mindset, the abundance, to hold the distance and signal to let me do my turn. Are you frantically closing gaps and cracks? Might be worth exploring what life could be like if you … More Close the gap! »

Travelling in time

Honey, the climbing castle has shrunk! Well, as I passed my old pre-school, years later, I was shocked to see the old climbing castle had shrunk. What – in my memory – was a tall, towering construction with the suspension bridge hanging far above ground, was now a mere, man-sized castle with a simple passing from tower to tower. As you know, it hadn’t shrunk: my perspective had changed. Have you had similar experiences? Some things we recall, but our recollection is but a version of the actual event, with deletions, distractions and filters based on who we were back then, and what we chose to focus on and remember. So, how many things in your life are you clinging onto with an old perception, a memory, a recalled situation, which is not serving you anymore? It may be about time to take a new look at it. Get your perspective updated. You never know, it may have shrunk. Happy updating.

Using both hands!

I’ve got two hands. But in everyday life and throughout my life, I’ve only used one of them. What?? That seems crazy. Still, that’s what most of us do, when it comes to our masculine and feminine powers. We all have both. It’s not gender specific. Yet, we often early in life choose our preferred way of making decisions, of talking with others, of making things happen, of how we build relationships. And forget all about “the other hand” we could be using. When we put on the masculine hat, we strive for results, set deadlines, want fast conclusions, power through so to speak. That’s great in so many ways. But the risk is, that we burn out, try fixing everything ourselves, and often dominate others both through work and in our relationships. How can others get a word in, when you’re wearing the bossy pants all the time?? On top of the hazard of your own wellbeing, the biggest risk is that you don’t allow others to add their value, their way. What’s our feminine hat helping us do, then? Create through flow, collaboration and exploration. It’s a softer way, can seem slower at first, but often much more … More Using both hands! »

OMG – am I an introvert??

Most of you, who have met me, would say no. I like being around people, like talking and do occasionally end up centre of attention with a good story… Well, well, what if it wasn’t as black and white as that? Who here treasure time on your own? Thought so. And who here need downtime after lots of socialising? Thought so, too. We are not one or the other. And there IS no right or wrong – even if society, the schooling system, workplaces with open offices and many other places make us believe being extroverted is the only thing that counts. It’s not as simple as “do you prefer partying or staying home alone?”. How social we are, may give a hint, but our preference is as much about how we motivate ourselves – do we get energy from others, from outside, or do we get our energy from within. As always, there is value in diversity. Have you noticed, how the best conversation partners are often more introverted? They actually LISTEN, they aren’t too busy talking about themselves, and often they have a deep knowledge and understanding of lots of fascinating subjects. I’m very fortunate to be surrounded … More OMG – am I an introvert?? »

When a lot is not enough…

Who else than Danish TV would show ‘De perfekte piger’ (the perfect girls), where four girls in their early twenties meet weekly to help each other let go of the mask of the perfect girl? Well, I don’t know any other countries I’ve lived or worked in, who would. It’s pretty confronting to watch, because it’s not glamour or talk-show or famous-people-surviving-on-an-island: it’s everyday girls. And it’s confronting because most of you reading this would either know the perfect girl from yourselves or have girls or women in your lives who know that role all too well…. They may be 8, 11, 14, 17, 21, 35, 47, 56, 69, 77, 84 or…. They try so hard, and it’s never enough. Because when we define perfect in our heads, it’s the best-possible-façade that we see others put on during school, work, family gatherings, shopping or on social media. It is based on the little pockets in time, where someone, somewhere has got it all together. It’s NEVER a realistic full-week-in-someone’s-life where you compare your everyday life to their everyday life, with all the ups and downs, disappointments and joys, misunderstandings and glimpses of contentment. It’s a comparison that will never be … More When a lot is not enough… »

As sheep – or fish??

Some of us try most of our lives to be like everyone else – fitting in, doing what others would like us to do, say and think. It resembles sheep, doesn’t it? There are many reasons for choosing to not act independently. It feels safer in the short run, definitely easier, and takes no bravery. But instead of feeling bad about it, let’s reframe being like sheep to moving like fish?! Fish are shoaling for social reasons, but it also gives protection against predators, higher success of foraging and less energy use. Sounds familiar? How great it is to sometimes NOT have to think, to just follow suit, be part of the team. The protection of fitting in. So, let’s accept that sometimes we need it. That it’s nice. Schooling like fish is like a little rest, a nice cruise with a given direction, going with the flow. And then appreciate our need to sometimes break out, to go off on our own. To think differently, shine our own light, be independent – the unicorn of fish? Whether you’re resting at the moment in the safety and anonymity of moving with the crowd. Or whether you’re sensing the urge to … More As sheep – or fish?? »

Hello…., I’m talking to you!

The Positive Thinking movement is overrated. It’s great to know we can change our thoughts, and focus on the positive, on what we’re grateful for. But. So often, that voice will very quickly be overtaken by the inner critic. So, what about we acknowledge that it’s there? Hello…. inner critic, I’m talking to you! I need a word with you. And to most people’s surprise, that word is ‘Thank You’! Because that loop of self-criticism is really just our egos trying to keep us safe. Wanting us to stay in our box. Stay put. So, the best way of opening that dialogue – which may be a very new one for you –  is saying thank you. Thanks voice, for wanting to keep me safe. I’ve got this. This time, you’re not invited to the party. I may not get it right, but I’m gonna have a go. I’m good enough as I am. And right now, I’m doing that thing I’ve been keeping away from. You’re not invited, I’ve got this. With clients, I get them to dress up their inner critic. Give that self-talk, the critical voice in your head, a new pitch – what about making it … More Hello…., I’m talking to you! »

Are your decisions quick?

Successful people make decisions quickly, and change them slowly. Yet, most of us take forever deliberating, procrastinating, pondering, wondering, worrying about a decision to be made – and never get to making it! How much wasted time and worry is that?? So, what about choosing a handier strategy for decisions: deciding to make them quickly going forward? The simplest way is by using Richard Branson’s bullet proof decision tree: 1) what’s the worst thing that can happen? 2) can I handle that? For some of you, that is scarily simple – and if you want, we can make it more complex and add a few steps. But what about trying it this coming week, using these two questions and having fun making quick decisions? Start with little decisions to get you going, and enjoy ramping it up. OK, now for those of you, who simply can’t deal with something that simple – here is a brain twister to keep you entertained, while making up your mind: “What will happen if I do this?” “What won’t happen if I do this?” “What will happen if I don’t do this?” “What won’t happen if I don’t do this?” You’ll be amazed at … More Are your decisions quick? »

One year for women – or one day?

Last year I shared this article. Amazed at the great progress since from my clients, both male and female, to promote more women to do what they do best. So, let’s make it every day, not just one day? International women’s day. I treasure women, I treasure men. I don’t think we need special days – just like we don’t do “Father’s Day” and “Mother’s Day” in our house. I respect and admire all the strong and brave people who made it possible for us to live with the rights we have today. And I acknowledge many people needing better lives still. But last year US women had been encouraged to not work and not spend on this day, to show how society’s wheels would not turn without us. And in Australia some companies have started ratios for how many women you need to hire. I don’t think that’s the way. Progress is created not by opposition, provocation or rules, but by visionary humans (men and women). Respecting each other, finding the root cause when things are not right yet and then encouraging each other to take the brave steps needed. We all have both masculine and feminine energy and … More One year for women – or one day? »