Big words: vulnerability, compassion and trust. But as you know, how we do the small things is how we do everything. So, let’s bring the big words into the small things in everyday life and leadership. It’s worth doing a self-study of how much you trust others – which means, how much you trust yourself. The Scandinavian countries are at the top of the list with 68% of the population trusting others – with most other countries being in the 30s or even lower (from Stephen Covey, The Speed of Trust). This high level of trust impacts the quality of relationships and to many people’s surprise also the tangible results of speed and cost: the more trust there is present in a relationship, a team, an organisation or a country, the faster we are able to get things done – with the least trouble and costs, financially and emotionally. So, where are you on the scale of trusting others? Which eventually comes back to trusting yourself. Do you trust yourself enough to share vulnerability and compassion – and trust others to receive it? Do you trust yourself and others enough to delegate and follow up with clear expectations? And in … More A trusting matter? »
We all have around 70,000 thoughts a day. The biggest difference in how we perceive the quality of our day is linked to how we manage all of these thoughts. Metacognitive therapy has had great results dealing with depression simply by limiting the amount of time clients spend ruminating over the things that worry us or what’s called trigger thoughts. Remarkable results through a few steps practised and followed up professionally: 1) Become aware of the trigger thoughts 2) Define a certain time a day for ruminating – for example, every night 8-9pm 3) Every time during the day you catch yourself reacting to a trigger thought, you delay that ruminating: “I’ll come back to that at 8 pm” Limiting the amount of time spent turning, twisting and twirling the negative or worried thoughts is the key. It’s NOT changing negative thoughts into positive, it’s NOT trying to empty your mind and not think at all (how can we possibly with 70,000 thoughts a day?). It’s realising we ourselves have a choice: as the trigger thought pops up, decide to delay ruminating about it until 8 pm in your defined ruminating slot. During the day, we then practice doing two … More Delayed ruminating »
We’re trying so hard getting it right, doing it right. I could go into yr 12 anxiety and pressure, but I won’t. Sitting in the parking lot of our local shopping centre, seeing all the perfect versions of families, couples and individuals coming and going. And realising how we’re all trying to get it right. All the time. Or the opposite: if we fear we can’t, we make it messy, to prove we’re not worth it. Let’s stop pretending. The endless doing to prove we’re good enough. Apply yourself, do lots. But let go of the outcome. You are good enough. Exactly as you are. There’s a reason we’re not called human doings. We’re human beings after all.
A weekend of singing. With 40 awesome people. Practicing for our upcoming gig. But also creating great conversations: with the newer ones you haven’t had a chance to talk to yet and getting closer to those you already know. Singing, grooving, eating, laughing, dancing, playing games. While getting super ready and pumped for the performance. Do I feel like the luckiest one? What makes YOUR heart sing? What brings you joy and energy? That you can bring into your everyday life, your work, your business, the things that may not be as easy as you would like them to at the moment? Having a hobby is a great thing. Making time for it is YOUR responsibility. If this is stirring your pot, find out what it could be for you, and how to make it happen before the end of the year. Your future self will thank you for it.
Do you often get excited about something new that’s possible for you, but never get around to doing anything about it? Or take one step (often including buying sporting equipment (!?!), a book or something else to start this new, exciting path), but then don’t do anything more about it? That’s the definition of perpetual potential. The excitement of what’s possible, but never stepping up to the mark. We all do it, and if it’s dreaming, it’s all good. But if it’s something you really want, over time you’ll start blaming yourself for not making it happen. We get excited about this possibility, we buy something to get started – BUT, we never apply it. That’s why the potential is perpetual: it lasts forever, the potential is always there ahead of us, but never cashed in, so to speak. Did you know, that most books bought are never opened? Or if opened, never read start to finish? That’s a perfect example of this (and less costly than sporting equipment!). We humans are walking contradictions. We really WANTED to make this happen, but the second we bought that helping remedy, the mind ticked it off the list: “… now I HAVE done … More The perpetual potential pitfall? »
We all have around 70,000 thoughts a day. No wonder it can get a bit overwhelming?! The beauty is though, that it doesn’t matter how many thoughts we have flying past – what matters are those we grab and hang onto, take for a spin, ponder and let linger: they are the ones that risk dragging us down. A really refreshing tactic came from recent, successful work to help people with depression, which we can all learn from: limit the amount of time a day, you dive into the worrying, ruminating thoughts. Aha! It’s NOT changing negative thoughts into positive ones, it’s NOT trying to empty your mind and not think at all (how can we possibly with 70,000 thoughts a day?). It’s limiting the amount of time we allow ourselves to give the worrying thoughts attention. Specifically, set a time a day that becomes your routine “worry wort time”. Let’s say 8-9pm every day. Whenever during the day, you catch yourself jumping onto the worry train, jump off: you will worry about it at 8pm (and no, you do not need to write a note about it). Simplified, it’s us observing our thoughts like a sushi train. Noticing the … More Sushi train of thoughts »
Heard this story from a friend having a visitor stay. He had shown the visitor around town, spent quite some time in the car. One afternoon, driving along, the visitor shouted out loud: close the gap, close the gap! My friend had no idea what he was talking about – until he slowly realised that the visitor wanted him to speed up to get closer to the car in front, so that no-one else would get in. He was appalled, amused, bewildered. But isn’t this a great metaphor for how differently we can live our lives? Are you the one wanting to ‘close the gap’ to not let others in, fearing others taking away from what you believe is yours to be had? Or are you happy opening the gap, letting more people and unexpected episodes in – being abundant and open-minded with your time, your space? When waiting on a busy road, I’m now always curious for who of the oncoming motorists has the awareness, the mindset, the abundance, to hold the distance and signal to let me do my turn. Are you frantically closing gaps and cracks? Might be worth exploring what life could be like if you … More Close the gap! »
Honey, the climbing castle has shrunk! Well, as I passed my old pre-school, years later, I was shocked to see the old climbing castle had shrunk. What – in my memory – was a tall, towering construction with the suspension bridge hanging far above ground, was now a mere, man-sized castle with a simple passing from tower to tower. As you know, it hadn’t shrunk: my perspective had changed. Have you had similar experiences? Some things we recall, but our recollection is but a version of the actual event, with deletions, distractions and filters based on who we were back then, and what we chose to focus on and remember. So, how many things in your life are you clinging onto with an old perception, a memory, a recalled situation, which is not serving you anymore? It may be about time to take a new look at it. Get your perspective updated. You never know, it may have shrunk. Happy updating.
I’ve got two hands. But in everyday life and throughout my life, I’ve only used one of them. What?? That seems crazy. Still, that’s what most of us do, when it comes to our masculine and feminine powers. We all have both. It’s not gender specific. Yet, we often early in life choose our preferred way of making decisions, of talking with others, of making things happen, of how we build relationships. And forget all about “the other hand” we could be using. When we put on the masculine hat, we strive for results, set deadlines, want fast conclusions, power through so to speak. That’s great in so many ways. But the risk is, that we burn out, try fixing everything ourselves, and often dominate others both through work and in our relationships. How can others get a word in, when you’re wearing the bossy pants all the time?? On top of the hazard of your own wellbeing, the biggest risk is that you don’t allow others to add their value, their way. What’s our feminine hat helping us do, then? Create through flow, collaboration and exploration. It’s a softer way, can seem slower at first, but often much more … More Using both hands! »
Most of you, who have met me, would say no. I like being around people, like talking and do occasionally end up centre of attention with a good story… Well, well, what if it wasn’t as black and white as that? Who here treasure time on your own? Thought so. And who here need downtime after lots of socialising? Thought so, too. We are not one or the other. And there IS no right or wrong – even if society, the schooling system, workplaces with open offices and many other places make us believe being extroverted is the only thing that counts. It’s not as simple as “do you prefer partying or staying home alone?”. How social we are, may give a hint, but our preference is as much about how we motivate ourselves – do we get energy from others, from outside, or do we get our energy from within. As always, there is value in diversity. Have you noticed, how the best conversation partners are often more introverted? They actually LISTEN, they aren’t too busy talking about themselves, and often they have a deep knowledge and understanding of lots of fascinating subjects. I’m very fortunate to be surrounded … More OMG – am I an introvert?? »