Life skills - joyhearts

Living Selfishly (yes, that’s OK!)

February 13, 2016Health, Inspiration, Life skills, work-life balance, Working mum

Hmm… this may not be a perfect fit for a Valentine’s Day post – or maybe it is exactly that!! Because to create a great life for yourself and those around you, you need to learn to live selfishly. My mum lives to serve others. I admire that. But it works best when you back yourself at the same time. My mum does – not a lot of women do. They give and give… but you sense that it’s because they do NOT know how to put themselves first. Here’s a cliché (but clichés are around because they hold a truth and therefore have been told many times!): When flying, remember how the crew tell you to put on your OWN oxygen mask before helping children or others around you. Yep. That’s exactly it. You can help others to a whole different level when you make sure your needs are met first – then it flows, overflows, and with happiness and content as wrapping, instead of bitterness, apologies or defeat. Put yourself first. Just once a week. There are so many ways of doing it (with no animals or humans being harmed…). For inspiration: check out my first blogs from … More Living Selfishly (yes, that’s OK!) »

The Opinion Police (and it’s a fact!)

January 31, 2016Inspiration, Life skills, Power of Language, work-life balance, Working mum

I had totally forgotten how on Danish radio and TV, polls are used nearly every day to share the “opinion of the people”. One day the researchers publish a new report on what we think about the school system, the next day the opinion police dictates that we will today discuss how many % of us feel stressed. It can be any subject matter – but you listen, because “it’s a fact”, it’s what we mean… like we, on average… on a random subject…. Being back in Denmark for quite some weeks last year, travelling the country by car, it was fascinating listening to the radio. It hit me how Denmark with its marvellous, democratic welfare has become so equal and well-rounded that even our opinions are averaged. And when input is needed, we add a so-called expert. Who needs a dictator, when opinions can be dictated voluntarily? Fully voluntarily that is. In Denmark, it’s all voluntary – even voting – which means that we have one of the highest voter turnouts. Because people are informed and the education philosophy is based on having your say – people want to vote. And give their opinion in polls. Wonder whether any … More The Opinion Police (and it’s a fact!) »

The trees in my life

January 17, 2016Inspiration, Life skills, work-life balance, Working mum

I have fond memories of the trees of the houses I’ve lived in. Growing up, we had two tall, slim trees in the garden, and when you were lying on the couch looking out the windows to the west, you saw the sky and these two gracious Birch trees. During the day and with friends visiting, the trunks worked perfectly as goal posts. Our first (and so far only) house we’ve owned had a huge, massive Red Maple in the back of the garden. When we moved in, I wanted it cut down as it took all sun light (which there is not a lot of in Denmark) from the lawn. Wisely, we listened to advice and lived a full year in the house before making any drastic decisions – watching the seasons pass by. Luckily we kept it – and how I loved watching it, red and massive in the summer – and a serious silhouette in winter. And the shade in summer turned out to be lovely for the kids that later appeared. The second house we rented in Australia had old, fascinating Gum trees all around it. I remember lying outside, on days that were not easy, … More The trees in my life »

Can this be returned? Please?!!

January 3, 2016Health, Inspiration, Life skills, work-life balance, Working mum

After people spending a manic December buying all sorts of stuff for each other, come 27th December, and it’s like an old-fashioned tape recorder rewinding – or a movie in reverse. People driving, walking BACK to these same shops, returning, swapping…. Has anyone made the calculation of how much time we would save as a nation, if we made a law to only be allowed to give experiences as gifts next Christmas? Just like they in Denmark had “car free Sundays” to make people change behaviour (during the oil crisis in the 70s), moving towards something more sustainable – in every meaning of the word. And today (for many reasons), half of Copenhagen’s population take the bicycle to work/uni. Back to Christmas. So a Christmas free of physical presents. How much stress would we avoid? How much wrapping paper? How many liters of petrol? How many family arguments? And now add the hassle of returning, swapping, keeping-it-but-not-using-it-and-having-to-pretend-you-use-it-everytime-she-visits? How much emotional pressure would we release? So next year: Give picnics. Give laughter. Give bike rides. Give kisses. Give joy. Give bush walks. Give hugs. And the stuff that you REALLY want and need… My husband answered “peace on Earth” every time … More Can this be returned? Please?!! »

What I REALLY want for Christmas…

December 22, 2015Health, Inspiration, Life skills, work-life balance, Working mum

…is to take myself less seriously!! What a great gift! My husband has been trying to give that exact gift to me ever since we met again as adults. But do you know how it goes when you get something you don’t want? Imagine the face – polite, stiff smile… but everyone can see that this gift is NOT what you had in mind. I grew up in a family where we actually got things from our wish list. Why ask for a list, if you are going to buy other stuff YOU think they want? Then don’t ask for a wish list. Well, as a consequence, in my family, we wrote lovely, long wish lists for birthdays and Christmas – and indeed got something from the list every time. How is that for teaching your kids to wish for what you really want? Anyway, I got side tracked here. The decades of receiving a gift I had NOT wished for. Humour. Even worse: being nudged to laugh of myself!! So I politely returned it. Didn’t even unwrap it. And then, suddenly, now, mid-life, what do I find myself wanting? To laugh more, especially of myself. To ask fewer questions … More What I REALLY want for Christmas… »

THANK YOU – say it and MEAN it!!

December 10, 2015Health, Inspiration, Life skills, Power of Language, work-life balance, Working mum

We say thank you a lot. At the supermarket as we get our bags. When someone hands us something. We’ve been brought up to do it. It’s the right thing to do. But when is the last time you said THANK YOU with power in your voice, feeling it all through your bones? Because you REALLY meant it???? Have a go. Say it to yourself. Right now. For something you’re really glad about, about yourself. Come on, try. Say it again, and mean it even more this time. Now say it out really loud! “Thank you for being so xxxx”. Now again – and add a big smile. Notice what happens in your body. We have this beautiful gift we can give: saying thank you. To ourselves and to others. Noticing the beautiful aspects of ourselves and others, of life, everyday life. Of those people we share most of our time with. A gratitude journal or app will make it easy – commit yourself to starting TODAY, and continue for the next 22 days, which will take you safely into 2016. Write 10 things in your notebook every morning that you are really thankful for – in yourself, in others, … More THANK YOU – say it and MEAN it!! »

Don’t think of a pink elephant. I said DON’T think of a pink elephant.

November 22, 2015Inspiration, Life skills, Power of Language, work-life balance, Working mum

Did you know… that our brain doesn’t pick up NOT and DON’Ts? So when you say (out loud or just inside your head, to yourself) “I don’t want to be tired”, the only thing registered is “I want to be tired”. Pick a few typical examples from your arsenal of self-talk – come on, I know you have a few standard ones??! Let’s make an experiment: “Don’t think of a pink elephant”. “Don’t think of a pink elephant”. Which image immediately flicked through your head? Your brain needs to create the image of the pink elephant before it can add the don’t. Do you see the trouble that’s creating? You may have heard that what you focus on is what you get. It’s the law of attraction. The more you think and talk about something, the more it comes to mind, the more attention you give it, the more of it you get. So the more you talk and think about how tired you are, guess what? You feel even more tired! So while exactly that will be mentioned a lot in a mothers’ group, and when one says it, the others need to trump it with stories of how … More Don’t think of a pink elephant. I said DON’T think of a pink elephant. »

We need both sand and silk

November 8, 2015Inspiration, Life skills, work-life balance, Working mum

Some people are more sand than silk. They scrub you, take your edges off, teach you. So while it may be easier to be around silky people and smooth sailing, the speed bumps and rough edges can actually give you the opportunity to learn and explore other sides of yourself – and grow as a person. A good friend in sales shared with me once, how he – when he had had a really shitty customer – had come to learn to say Thank You (inside himself, self-talk – not to the perpetrator!!!). For giving him this opportunity to learn even more patience and forbearing. Learn from him: treasure the smooth rides – and appreciate the rough edges and the “sand people”, who are little litmus tests of how well you are managing your own reactions, thoughts and emotions in times of adversity – we can all be calm when it’s easy-going, right?! The more challenge and uncertainty you can handle (and still stay calm!), proves how far you have come! So celebrate silk and sand, we need them both.

That awesome 5th day?!

October 25, 2015Inspiration, Life skills, work-life balance, Working mum

You clever ones out there working 4 days a week. Can you do one for the team (that’s the rest of us, still working 5 days a week, or you poor ones out there working more!!)? Spend the 5th day intentionally on all the things that will create the future YOU. The things you need to learn more about, practice or push your comfort zone on (no, vacuuming does not count!). So, to become the person you really want to become, you MUST spend your day off preparing 100% for that, as if it was life or death! Ready? 3 rules apply: Rule #1: You have to do the vacuuming and washing during the 4 days you work, as if you were full time! When you really know what you want to change in you and your life, how wasted would it be after a month to have vacuumed your house 4 times? Versus having read, watched you tube videos or networked with people that already role model who you want to become – imagine the difference in you! Rule #2: Start today and do at least 4 weeks of thinking differently, pushing your comfort zone, going to a relevant … More That awesome 5th day?! »

Be MINDFUL in traffic – pretend it’s your darling AUNT ahead!

October 11, 2015Inspiration, Life skills, work-life balance

Be present. When in traffic, don’t get upset, create flow – think friendly thoughts, as if the idiot in the car in front was your best friend or your mum. Try to understand other stupid things in their life and day have made them stressed, give them a bit of your positive energy, hopefully the rest of their day will turn out for the better. Have you thought about how much better you feel when you have let someone in in front of you? When you used your energy to read the traffic and create some positive reactions and flow – instead of swearing, shouting and telling others off? And that’s only YOUR inner state, imagine the difference it makes to your family in the car. My husband’s grandma used to say: a gap will always appear. So when you wait to get out into a busy road, and cars just keep coming and coming, and you start listing all the things you’ll get late for and how you’ll never get out. STOP your thoughts right there. A gap will always appear. Have you ever heard about someone who NEVER got out onto that other road? Big news headline: man … More Be MINDFUL in traffic – pretend it’s your darling AUNT ahead! »

follow yourself

Category: Life skills