Category: Power of Language

What happened to this weekend? Where did the days go? Beautifully wasted. With practical stuff. And being lazy. And being annoyed with self for being lazy. And then realising it’s OK. To push the pause button now and then. But on another note – on another kind of waste, this update from the trenches hit my notebook in the weeks after Christmas: what happened to my waist??!! My family GOT me a hula hoop ring, and it gave LOTS of laughs… especially as we all witnessed how it works splendidly for the (smaller waist size) daughters – but NOT for me. And I’m not talking about me not being able to swing the hips after all that lovely food during December. No, no, no, I’m talking physics. Physics denying me my childhood fun. Here we go: the physical laws defining that ANY ring wanting to swirl around another object needs that object. To. Be. Much. Smaller. Hmmm….. Smaller as in my waist having to be MUCH smaller than the diameter of the shiny new hula hoop ring. Oh!!! So here I am. A waisted opportunity (!?!). Or not. I have three options (or probably many more, my brain has started … More Waisting the days away?! »

Whether it’s well behaved children, a promotion, a new car, a partner we love or our dream house – we want it NOW! What if all of those external things (including how other people do and make us feel), are not what it’s really about? That it’s never about that?! It was never about the promotion. It was always about how you imagined you would feel when you HAD the promotion. And guess what? There is a MUCH easier way: you can choose to feel that way exactly now. Right now. Over something you already have present in your life, big or small. Go figure! How many hours, sleepless nights, worry and guilt have you saved right there? Get your gratitude journal going. In your mind or even better write it down each morning. 10 things or own behaviours you are really happy, excited, proud or grateful for being or having in your life right now. And say thank you! Really feel it and say it out loud. For each one of them. That’s where it starts. Inside you. It’s never about the others or the things we want. Start right now, being who you want to be. It will … More I want it NOW! »

I never notice lyrics, happily mumbling along until I hit the 3 words I know. Same tactics on the dance floor in the 80s. Some people can hear a song and immediately capture and make meaning of all words – good on you!! Anyway, the other morning for some reason I really heard the words of this Ed Sheeran song. And it brought tears to my eyes (and down my cheeks!) because of the simple honesty: Guess it’s true, I’m not good at a one-night stand. But I still need love cause I’m just a man. These nights never seem to go to plan. I don’t want you to leave, will you hold my hand? Four simple lines. The raw honesty that it is NOT to plan. That life seldom is. But putting all pride aside and just asking her to stay and hold his hand. Whether it’s partners, friends or family. We need each other. Often we get it wrong and say and do all the things that push each other away. Small comments. Bad habits of how we react when the other one reaches out with an opening word. When really what we’re screaming inside is: stay with … More Stay with me…. please! »

You may have seen the Dove video where two entrances are put up, titled “average” and “beautiful”. And how only very few people dare walking through the latter. How much it takes for us to feel beautiful. But how those who do straighten their backs and feel so good for stating to the world that I AM BEAUTIFUL, in my own way. At 13 my parents had heard me describe how atrocious my body looked for so long that they decided to make it into a human size poster – and showed it as part of their speech at my confirmation party. Crooked teeth, different size feet, eyes and boobs, hairy legs, crooked toes, wide frame, short fat legs, half-blind, crazy curly hair… You get the picture? And yet in reality, here was a pretty normal girl – my self-image was just magnifying the little discrepancies, instead of celebrating and magnifying the overall impression, which was OK. And who says what beautiful is? I have definitely had moments of feeling beautiful. We are who we are. We look the way we look. We all look DIFFERENT, so how can we even judge versus others, when every single one of us … More I am who I am »

It’s Christmas soon. And we say yes to everything and forget to enjoy the magic moments leading up to this lovely season. Time is right for a lesson of saying NO. A colleague told me how schools in Netherlands started teaching girls in year 3 to say NO. With amazing effects on reduced teenage pregnancies and rape – because the girls knew how to say no, and the boys knew that no meant no. So I’m gonna teach you. Choose a person you trust to practice this with. Look them straight in the eyes and say NO! If you look away, smile, add a giggle or any other distraction after, it doesn’t count: you’ve just negated the whole thing. Go again. NO! Keep practising, say it louder and with even more conviction: NO!!! If you need help, add a stomp of your foot while you shout NO! This is surprisingly difficult for many of us. Keep going. We did it with our youngest at some point, and she responded that they were not allowed to say no or talk back at an adult. That really scared me, if that is what authority Australia teaches our kids at school, we need … More Saying NO. Plainly NO. »

When superwoman is sick. We just keep going. Power through. Work. Do all the things that have to get done. I’m working on getting rid of superwoman. So what better opportunity than this week, when I realised I had powered through (because of lots of VERY important things). And trying to hide the fact that I was sick by changing plans slightly (working from home midweek) but still doing all the same things, delivering to all plans. FULL STOP! Who am I kidding? Myself. Looking after everybody else’s needs when my body was clearly telling me ENOUGH. So after a night of coughing, I realised: men do it right. They get the man flu. They’re sick. They’re OUT. Decided right there and then to have the man flu and pull the plug. Cancelled everything for the next 48 hours. Do you know how hard that is? You are coming up with excuses why you could still do x and join y, just via phone. Full stop. NO! (hahaaaaa… some of you will remember me teaching saying NO, must share in one of the upcoming blogs, it does come in handy, including the stomp of the foot!). One of our daughters … More Superwoman down with man flu! »

We all look different. Isn’t that fascinating? Think of all the people you know and have ever met (and that’s actually a lot when you think of it!), it would be hundreds, if not thousands when you add up school, activities you’ve done, concerts you’ve been to and the average number of people we see as we walk through the shopping centre…. As you’re now mentally scanning all of those faces and bodies, notice how we all look different. Each one of us is our own version indeed! So how come we have a singular, narrow idea of what beautiful is??? How come most of us aren’t happy with how we look? We can start blaming media, but what if it’s really our own tactic, used to move attention away from ourselves?? Instead of accepting and trying to be happy with our bodies and looks, we create some impossible standard to measure ourselves against. That none of us will ever meet. Because every single one of us looks different. And beauty therefore cannot be nailed to one thing. Wow….. So let’s start singing Joe Cocker’s song to ourselves: “You are so beautiful… to me”! And let ourselves feel what it’s … More You are so beautiful… Who me??! »

I’ve got a new, favourite word! Irreverent. Being irreverent. I had to look it up, and now my best description is to be direct, saying things as they are, taking things lightly that are normally taken seriously, being cheeky with a good intention. The dictionary will also say disrespectful or rude. But that doesn’t work for me. What I LOVE about this word is the energy it gives. The permission to be BIG, to use the childlike curiosity to say things they way they are – with respect, but also with a detachment to the outcome. That I’m not judging you or the situation, I’m offering a way of seeing it that none of us were aware of before. What most often gets us stuck is that we take a situation (and ourselves!!) MUCH too seriously. By putting on my irreverent hat (Iet’s make it bright green with a feather?!), I am taking myself lighter already, I look at the situation with a curious, cheeky-loving glance, and may come up with a view on it that takes out all the emotion, drama, judgment, blame and defence. How good is that? So this one word helps me put my frame of … More Irrever-something: my new favourite word! »

When did you last use your full voice? Not as an overwhelm thing because you lost the plot. But purposely using your full voice to claim your space? Speaking up. Literally? Here is a funny exercise: in your car, windows hermetically closed (recommend not choosing waiting at a red light) – or home alone, neighbours not in their garden – shout out a series of very loud YES and NOs (pretend to stop something happening at the other end of your house or garden), really loudly. It sounds easy, but for most of us it is SO difficult and feels really awkward. Your voice is such an important part of you. Do you like your speaking voice? Or have you tried meeting someone, or just walking past them in a shop or at the hairdresser, and you think: THAT voice is not doing you any favours, is it? Can be a mousy, tiny, fragile one (and the owner is trying to get her way at the post office counter – not gonna happen, right?), or a silent, nice, calm voice but with that tone of “don’t trust me, don’t count on a word I say”? If you’re ready to boost … More I CAN shout… well maybe, I think, if really needed??!! »